No Excercise

Well. I didn't excercise today. I did however

2 pieces leftover popeyes chicken *like 900 calories i know*
1 biscuit
1 small handful of cajun fries
1 tablespoon raw honey with
1 cup of black tea
*this mix really seems to get the metabolism flowing I ironically had an empty stomach right after drinking it. so crazy*
1 SMALL *about 500 calories worth* GoldenSpoon Yogurt
     with fudge on side and almonds :) YAY FOR HEALTHY ALMONDS
1 lite bagel (the really thin ones)
 With a tablespoon of NUTELLA
1 cup of hot water
2 tablespoons APPLE CIDER VINEGAR
1 Tablespoon RAW HONEY

So I consumed an awful lot. BUT... I didn't feel half as bad as I did last night going to bed so miserable and stuffed with grease. There has got to be a way to break this cycle and get on the healthy path. I know it isn't meant to be easy but Lord I am really lacking in getting active and STAYING active. You have got to deliver me from this sedentary and lazy lifestyle of mine. It just isn't fun. But I know LORD that you don't care what I look like but you do care for my heart and I believe that my lack of self-motivation is just an example of the relationship we have. I haven't been fully meeting you in spirit and truth. I haven't been fully yours. But LORD I desperately want to be that woman. I just need you to help me. SHOW ME HOW TO GIVE MYSELF FULLY AND WHOLLY TO YOU JESUS! You are my rock and my salvation and there is no other GOD but you. I will bow before noone else Christ. Thank you for saving me and bringing me to where I am.

My weight is not the measure of who I AM in the eyes of JESUS. But it is a measure of how I treat HIS BODY and HIS CHURCH. I fill myself more with JUNK than the word of the LORD. Please LORD give me that clean heart and renewed spirit. TRANSFORM ME CHRIST.

I AM YOURS!

♥ CHECHE

I am going insane

I'm seriously in a place where I either need to start being healthy or I will probably just go insane.

I, I can't, not even with the help of SENSA find it in me to stop binge eating and eating UNHEALTHY. I have packed on a total of 30 pounds over the last 2 1/2 years. I know that this is not about numbers. Being healthy is really about how you FEEL and LOOK in the process of taking care of yourself. But I can't. I just can't seem get in shape. Or be motivated to consistently take care of myself. I have been wanting to just give up on myself today. Today I just consumed so much.

2 gluten free waffles
4 tablespoons of maple syrup with water mixed in
2 sushi rolls
1 bowl of miso soup
1 large bag of cheetoh puffs
3 pcs of popeyes chicken
1 cup of mashed potatoes
1 cup of cajun fries
2 popeyes biscuits
1/2 a sprite

I just. I'm not sure what it is that makes me want to hurt myself and feel like poop but I do it. I just can't seem to help myself. God knows that this isn't the way I want to live.

Oh, and let me just tell you the worst part about me being a over eater.
I spend almost 100 dollars within 2 or 3 days JUST on eating out. I don't believe it just eating what I have already purchased from the grocery store!! I write checks for food that are bad. I want so desperately to look and feel beautiful. But the LORD has allowed me to continue to the end of my rope I guess so that maybe He may bring me to a place of contentment and peace. I know that life is so much more than how you look. But I just, I hate the way I feel about my body. I hate the way I am obsessed about my body . I hate the way it is just so hard to NOT eat everything that is in sight.

I love you Lord. ANd I am so, so very sorry that I don't have the ability to be reliant on completely you. But I do want to be! I do. I just can't seem to get there. I just can't seem to be wholly surrendered to your will. I want to LORD. I do.

Will you please help me Lord? Will you please take the reigns and rule over this eating disorder of mine? I am yours FATHER... Break my legs LORD and give me the strength that only you can give me.

♥