No Excercise

Well. I didn't excercise today. I did however

2 pieces leftover popeyes chicken *like 900 calories i know*
1 biscuit
1 small handful of cajun fries
1 tablespoon raw honey with
1 cup of black tea
*this mix really seems to get the metabolism flowing I ironically had an empty stomach right after drinking it. so crazy*
1 SMALL *about 500 calories worth* GoldenSpoon Yogurt
     with fudge on side and almonds :) YAY FOR HEALTHY ALMONDS
1 lite bagel (the really thin ones)
 With a tablespoon of NUTELLA
1 cup of hot water
2 tablespoons APPLE CIDER VINEGAR
1 Tablespoon RAW HONEY

So I consumed an awful lot. BUT... I didn't feel half as bad as I did last night going to bed so miserable and stuffed with grease. There has got to be a way to break this cycle and get on the healthy path. I know it isn't meant to be easy but Lord I am really lacking in getting active and STAYING active. You have got to deliver me from this sedentary and lazy lifestyle of mine. It just isn't fun. But I know LORD that you don't care what I look like but you do care for my heart and I believe that my lack of self-motivation is just an example of the relationship we have. I haven't been fully meeting you in spirit and truth. I haven't been fully yours. But LORD I desperately want to be that woman. I just need you to help me. SHOW ME HOW TO GIVE MYSELF FULLY AND WHOLLY TO YOU JESUS! You are my rock and my salvation and there is no other GOD but you. I will bow before noone else Christ. Thank you for saving me and bringing me to where I am.

My weight is not the measure of who I AM in the eyes of JESUS. But it is a measure of how I treat HIS BODY and HIS CHURCH. I fill myself more with JUNK than the word of the LORD. Please LORD give me that clean heart and renewed spirit. TRANSFORM ME CHRIST.

I AM YOURS!

♥ CHECHE

I am going insane

I'm seriously in a place where I either need to start being healthy or I will probably just go insane.

I, I can't, not even with the help of SENSA find it in me to stop binge eating and eating UNHEALTHY. I have packed on a total of 30 pounds over the last 2 1/2 years. I know that this is not about numbers. Being healthy is really about how you FEEL and LOOK in the process of taking care of yourself. But I can't. I just can't seem get in shape. Or be motivated to consistently take care of myself. I have been wanting to just give up on myself today. Today I just consumed so much.

2 gluten free waffles
4 tablespoons of maple syrup with water mixed in
2 sushi rolls
1 bowl of miso soup
1 large bag of cheetoh puffs
3 pcs of popeyes chicken
1 cup of mashed potatoes
1 cup of cajun fries
2 popeyes biscuits
1/2 a sprite

I just. I'm not sure what it is that makes me want to hurt myself and feel like poop but I do it. I just can't seem to help myself. God knows that this isn't the way I want to live.

Oh, and let me just tell you the worst part about me being a over eater.
I spend almost 100 dollars within 2 or 3 days JUST on eating out. I don't believe it just eating what I have already purchased from the grocery store!! I write checks for food that are bad. I want so desperately to look and feel beautiful. But the LORD has allowed me to continue to the end of my rope I guess so that maybe He may bring me to a place of contentment and peace. I know that life is so much more than how you look. But I just, I hate the way I feel about my body. I hate the way I am obsessed about my body . I hate the way it is just so hard to NOT eat everything that is in sight.

I love you Lord. ANd I am so, so very sorry that I don't have the ability to be reliant on completely you. But I do want to be! I do. I just can't seem to get there. I just can't seem to be wholly surrendered to your will. I want to LORD. I do.

Will you please help me Lord? Will you please take the reigns and rule over this eating disorder of mine? I am yours FATHER... Break my legs LORD and give me the strength that only you can give me.

♥

night 6... Lord give me strength

I really don't want to do this. At least it isn't as late as it has been right? My muscles are starting to feel comfortable with the exercises. The ab part still burns and actually burns more each night. I am very particular about how I do my "crunches" after taking a class where the teacher taught us the most effective (more painful) way to work our abs. Her method showed me it isn't about the crunch as much as it is about your PELVIS and back and neck being properly aligned on the floor. Although I don't have all of those tools (soft pillow type bags, foam roller, tennis balls?!) I can feel when I am working not just the abdominal muscles but the TRANSVERSE muscle as well which is like the girdle of the abs. It wraps around and cinches the waist in so that you can maintain that small waist and flat tummy. I KNOW!! Isn't that muscle amazing. Working it however, burns immediately and requires patience and prayers in order to complete a set. I am in no way capable of doing them PERFECTLY but I am definitely doing them to the best and fullest of capabilities. Anyways enough about abs. I still have to actually do the workout tonight :(. Might as well not talk about it. Ha ha

• leftover pancakes (four) they were a tad stale :(
• yogurt slush from... LOLLICUP! (free )
• sprinkles fattening cupcake *(free but kinda oily and not worth the gas or it being free)
• 1 1/2 slices of pizza from last nights leftovers (after phantom)
• ate some rice and chicken katsu with the ladies (we all shared)
• coffee

Ugh.. I need to lay off the unbalanced carbohydrate food plan. ha ha I will NEVER see real results eating like a desperate junk food eater. Everything I ate aside from the wheat and flax seed pancakes was pretty unhealthy and extremely greasy. The Lord knows I need strength to stick to a nice a routine. But it really needs to be more than a plan. It needs to be a desire. Otherwise this will all just be a waste and I will either dropout half way or complete this challenge and revert back into what I was like before.

JESUS strengthen and guide me in this process! You know my heart and you know what I need more than I do. So God just change me and make me more like you and give me the love and desire to take care of myself and health. I know you can give me that power!! Iloveyou AMEN

♥cheche

NIGHT 5!!! ♥

sooo Don't want to excercise tonight. I have been successful four nights in a row SO FAR. I guess I can crank out tonight! AHHH What in the world have I gotten myself into. And why must it ALWAYS be so late at night as well? Such a crazy woman this Chetreanna is. Yes I just spoke of myself in 3rd person but at this hour of the night/morning and with so much to do you'd be speaking much different than usual also. So here I am! Yay.

• 4pancakes with agave syrup
• handful of flaming hot cheetoh puffs :)
• twix bar 
• bite of Katie's sandwich
• 4 pieces of bread before dinner with the butter packet :(
• 2 slices of olive pizza from RAINBOW ROOM in LA. mmm doesn't get better!
• scoop of chocoice cream
• couple bites of cheesecake despite not liking it. 
• bite of chocolate cake didnt like that either

Now I am home. I had a full bottle of water today and a glass at dinner. My water is SLACKING hardcore y'all. That is such bad thing because WATER is the key to good health! Ahh. Well, luckily I had a fabulous time in LA eating crazy, delicious, unhealthy goodness! Now I get to work out and pray to wake up on time. God please give me the strength!!

♥cheche

night 4

so It is coming to the fourth night of this lovely circuit. The eating plan hasn't really been implemented into my daily routine QUITE as dutifully. I'm worried that as a result of my eating behavior it might deter me later in my commitment. God tells me not to worry and cast all my fears to him so I will do that and just be thankful and blessed that I have made it to night four of this little circuit commitment. LoL. I know that I don't have any followers so it may be weird when others read this and they see how I refer to an audience but whether or not I have anyone following me I really need *at least for right now* the silent encouragement of the web. I need to come and just lay it all down and stay honest in my commitment and get my job done. It really is a small task when I look at other commitments I have made. The reason I feel this is important is because you psychologically start habits by continuously doing something. By doing this seven days in a row I may just become amazing over night on the 8th day. Lol

MY food for today:

• Breakfast: BOWL OF OATMEAL

•                    COFFEE WITH 4 packets of sugar (16oz)

• Lunch: Footlong or less? worth of subway sandwiches. *subway gave us coldcuts and I had two and a bite*

•            SIX6 Vietnamese PORK egg roll thingys. I KNOW I KNOW witw(what in the world)??

• Dinner:2 1/2 pancakes at Dennys 2 bites of hash browns..

yeah not much green or fruit in there huh? Kinda on the brown side? Lol Silly Me. At least I ate though right? I really am not going to worry about the food just right now. I want to get into this workout routine and then that will start to take shape don't you think?? God is so patient with us we need to learn from HIM and be more patient with ourselves. Things will never change INSTANTLY overnight unless you win the lottery, lose a family member or loved one, get in a car accident... But when it comes to changing a part of who you are. It takes steps forward and encouragement during those pauses between those steps. The next thing you know your walking as if you never hesitated before!

night 3

Got home a tad late from church tonight and felt lead to post on my other blog first about lies before getting on here. I completed last nights circuit btw!! woo hoo I don't know if that was something I had the chance to tell you or not. I decided that I am going to do tonights circuit even though I am feeling extremely tired :( and I am pushing my threshold having work in the morning as well. The show must go on. I want to feel firm and toned at the end of this challenge and you gotta put in work to get the results right?

FOOD FOR TODAY:

I ATE LIKE A MONSTER :( LOL

• BOWL OF CEREAL
• 2 WAFFLES WITH AGAVE
• 1/2 JACK IN THE BOX OREO SHAKE (ahh.. LOL)
• a few fries off of Bines plate :)
• GODIVA TRUFFLE (DOUBLE ahhh)
• Mrs. Field Choco cookie :) yumm
• melon, cantaloupe and pineapple 
• 2 1/2 slices of pizza. No cheese on one slice didnt eat the crust so I don't feel so bad
• played a round of dodgeball at church :)
• a bite of choco cupcake!

I know it isn't looking too healthy. I GOT FRUIT IN THOUGH! Today I only paid for the cookie and I had a coffee before church. other than that being a bit on the broker side I just sort of ate what was available or given. Can't wait to go grocery shopping and have more handy healthier items on hand. I feel like things are beginning to take shape. Last night the circuit wasn't AS difficult. It gets easier every night. By next weeks end I may have to start adding some lunges and new reps in there :). Muscle memory baby!!! WOO WOO. Yeah I am not expecting a complete 360 in a week. Sorry I am not full of crazy dreams of absurd ideas of reality. This is more for my health. To stay active and just feel better. I think we all feel A LOT better when we are sore and know that we put in the work to get our muscles moving :)!!! RIGHT! Praise God. Alright so I am heading off to do the circuit for tonight and hit the bed for an early workday.

Sadly I ended up sleeping in for my math class. AHH! I know I am pushing the boundaries aren't I. School night I really need to get to bed on time before midnight. It takes a toll on me. No bueno

Love you and get active today just for you!

♥

Night 2

So. Here I am on my 2nd night and I have to tell you that I honestly do not want to work out. I tried on workout clothes today and nearly passed out at how just unattractive they all seemed to look on me. Maybe it was the mirrors or maybe it was my head but either way I felt kinda defeated. I still haven't done my circuit but I feel like I will definitely complete it as soon as I get off. Either way I plan to inform you of what exactly went down.
I ate like a kid who loves to eat today

@830am:    bowl of oatmeal
@1115am:    spicy chicken sandwich 4rm chick-fil-a
@1pm:      Bowl of tortilla soup + redrobin steak fries
@6pm:      2/3 of a like it COLDSTONE FRENCH VANILLA W/ OREOS
@7pm:      A bowl of mixed fruit
@810pm:    A bowl of mixed fruit
@9pm:      1/2 a slice of pumpkin bread
@1030pm:   Handful of salt n vinegar chips + 1/2 pizza slice


so as you can see. My food was messy, sloppy and crazy today. But that is the honest truth. I even forgot the few pork rines I ate :(? I just wanted salty and decided to eat from the bag my coworker had on the table. I felt like a waste during the coldstone feeding, steak fries feeding and late nice chips and pizza snack. I was actually not able to enjoy the coldstone because it honestly lacked flavor and didn't really taste like much of anything. It was cold, creamy and sweet but the vanilla flavor lacked ALOT and the oreos didn't really stand out taste wise. Everything blended into one big cold, crunchy, creamy blah. I ate more than I wanted out of hunger and threw the rest away at church.
The pumpkin bread was good and I only ate a bit but I felt like I should have stayed away because of the COLDSTONE I had already eaten earlier. And the bread was homemade which was awesome! The handful of salt n vinegar chips and pizza slice were silly because I am supposed to do my circuit and how in the world can ANYONE be motivated if 30 minutes before they were sopping up grease? LoL
So basically you live and your learn. What I learned today: Coldstone is overrated thank God it was free. Snacking on grease before working out is dumb. I need to eat my fruit throughout my day. I need to buy groceries so all of my food intake does not consist of drive-thru and greasy fried food :/.

Alright! That is all for tonight. Tune in tomorrow to find out how the circuit did or did not go. What will I chooose hm...

♥cheche